Ouch! How could be fast?! It's 6.40 pm. It means I have wasted my one and half hours laying on my bed and staring wall before I decided turn on my computer. O... I hate myself. And now...Why I choose to be here. Feel so weird. DA's now becoming such my diary. No. Not diary. It's rather like...room to escape to.
Actually, my brain works slow this time. Heavy to write. Rather sleepy. But if I don't write something now, I'll get big acne tomorrow. Wahahahh..
I'm in confused situation. I even don't understand my circumstance. Wanna cry, need a shoulder, but... I don't wanna involve anybody this time. Just keep that alone. Become silent. Hmmh..No its not silent. Its better become cheerful pretender. If Im too silent, people around me always know I'm in problem. That's me, a stupid expressionist. Sometimes I'm not good actress. My eyes cant resist shining when I'm happy, stare people with my weak eyes when I'm not fine. But if they already know Im not fine, I keep my stubborn. I say pointless words. Wont tell the situation. Then my mom will get upset and little bit angry. And Ill feel guilty then punish myself with a question, hey ugly! When will you grow up?
Should I publish my problem here? It wont be good way. For me thats always not. Thats why I never have long lasting blog or become avid of FB. Cos I never feel alright telling anything. My mom says maybe its time for me get serious relationship. I know it means marry. She says maybe now is time for me to share anything with. I wont always be able tackle anything alone. Well, some is right. But.. For me, now, in this situation, think about marry will make my head get burned. I dont say I never think it. What I mean, I know me, my condition. I exactly know Im not ready.
Well, it s better say whatever Im facing now will give me more understanding and brave.









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